I’m not a big follower of music, and songs I’m familiar with will more often remind me of movies, TV shows, or specific people than me being familiar with the music on its own. I think most people have “a song” that they associate with their partner. I have songs that, whenever I hear them, I always associate with my most significant partners or ex-partners, and I thought it would be neat to blog about one song for each of them, explaining the association.
My husband: “You’ll Be In My Heart” by Phil Collins (from the Tarzan soundtrack)
This was the song we chose for our wedding dance. We taught ourselves the rhumba, and then choreographed the moves specifically for this song. This is just a beautiful song about forever love. I think part of the reason I connected with it for us is because assumptions that could’ve been made about my husband and me, getting engaged only six weeks after we met, and married less than a year later. I remember at one point that one of my former partners (if I can even use that word for what that relationship was) revealed he didn’t think the relationship would last. But despite that, my husband and I knew we would always be together. We were married in 2006, and here we are, still together 11 years later. I knew my husband was different than the limited number of partners I’d had prior to meeting him. He loved me for me. He didn’t just want to get into my pants and have a little bit of fun. We enjoyed each other’s company no matter how much time we spent with each other. We were practically living together by the time we got engaged, because we were so inseparable. He taught me that I had more value than society may have led me to believe.
Also, I’m a big fan of Disney movies, and Tarzan is one of my favourites. It was cool to be able to share this song and give it a different meaning by associating it with my husband.
My first lover, after choosing polyamory: “Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morissette
I once karaoke sang this song for him and sent him the video, but that’s not the reason I associate this song with him. The lyrics really sum up well how I feel about my relationship with him. We’re friends. There are benefits. He cared about me, unconditionally, and is one of the main people I go to when I need someone to listen to my pain. And if he hadn’t started flirting with me in the first place, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with him. I blame him for the way I feel about him, because it’s not a relationship that should’ve ever worked, or one we should’ve involved ourselves in, for many reasons I won’t go into. Though he’s moderately okay with me talking about some of my experiences with him now, back then, when we first got involved, because of all the reasons we shouldn’t have been together, he made me keep our relationship secret.
My second lover, after that: “Dreams” by The Cranberries
Not long after the above relationship ended (because we were willing to acknowledge we shouldn’t be together, as painful as that was), this guy entered my life. He was my “dream,” because I thought I’d found someone I didn’t have to keep secret, and we fell in love fast, and had so much in common. He was vulnerable, and shared exactly how he felt. He and his wife were polyamorous, so he truly got what it was like. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was.
Reality ended up shattering that dream, because in our excitement for each other, caught up in our NRE (new relationship energy), we apparently hadn’t considered his wife as well as we could have, and she put a lot of restrictions on our relationship, before finally ending it by closing their marriage.
My third lover, after that: “I Want To Know What Love Is” by Foreigner
Obviously, by this point in my life, I already knew how to recognise what love was. The reason I associate this song with him is because he was so inexperienced with love and relationships. Not purely out of lack of opportunity, because he had interest from other people. But he didn’t want to jump into just any old opportunity if he wasn’t attracted to the person. He chose me to give his trust to, the person who would allow him to experience what he wanted to experience without fear or judgement. Though he never said he actually loved me, I believed it was because his lack of experience meant he was unable to recognise what that feeling was. Or that he didn’t want to admit to it, because he knew our relationship had an expiry date (despite the fact I didn’t want that to be the case).
Bonus Song – My Mum (who I obviously wasn’t in a romantic relationship with): “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion
Celine Dion was my mum’s favourite singer. I chose this song for her funeral because of that connection, and how I associated it with death, and it not being the end. My mum will always live on in my heart.
What About You?
I’ve shared some of the songs that have some significance to me with relationships from my life… now I’m curious, what songs hold special meaning for you, and why?