Sixteen years ago, I left Australia, the only home I knew, and moved to Malaysia.
Ten and a third years ago, I left Malaysia and moved to California.
Four years ago, as the US election results rolled in and started looking dire, I began contemplating moving back to Australia. I looked up real estate prices in the only city I was open to moving to, Melbourne. But then the results turned around, and I could breathe again. I decided to stay.
The results of yesterday’s presidential election have eclipsed all the other crap I’ve had to deal with this year, blow after blow. It’s like I no longer care about any of that, because all that matters now is what is best for my children.
I’ve been seeing far too many posts from strangers online and commentary from the media normalising this, trying to be optimistic, like things will work out in the end. People will “learn their lessons” when they don’t get what they were promised. Things will turn around in the next election. They seem to be failing to acknowledge that there may not even be a next election.
I tried to be optimistic when he won in 2016, and we all saw how that turned out. How much we lost as a result of his “leadership” and decisions. Women have lost rights in so many red states, and they want to spread that further. Republicans have been fighting against the rights of LGBT+, immigrants, and people of colour, and what those groups have lost in some states could become federal issues if they get taken to the stacked Supreme Court. I have no way to put a positive spin on this. I feel like I’ve run out of hope.
I’ve felt protected in California in the past, with our laws and constitutional protections, and we just voted to protect the right to marriage in the state constitution, knowing the GOP is gunning to overturn marriage equality in the Supreme Court. But with what has already been stripped, and the violence we’ve seen against Asian Americans even in the liberal San Francisco Bay Area, a result like this is going to make the hate-filled population feel even more emboldened to do what they like. Is anywhere in the US really safe any more?
Unlike in 2020, I’ve gone as far as creating an account on an Australian jobseeker website now. I’m already unemployed, it’s not going to hurt me to consider jobs in Australia. Maybe it’s time for my family to return? Even though my son has never lived in Australia (because he was born in Malaysia), and both of my kids have expressed a desire to stay in the only home they remember.
If we do relocate, I’m only considering Melbourne in Australia. It’s where I have my most closest Australian friends. It’s the heart of comedy in the country, and I fell in love with the city when I was only 16 years old and travelled there for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival with my mum. It was always the city I wanted to move to when I was younger, and got invested in stand-up comedy.
And I’ve been back at the stand-up comedy thing this year. My most recent open mic set, which I released on YouTube last week (see below), captured me really digging back into my Australian roots. I’d grown tired of writing jokes about my failed relationships and the ridiculous things I’ve done as a result of them. I found myself improvising ideas to my kids and friends as I played around with a thicker than my natural Australian accent. And it seemed like it was a hit with the audience. It’s become my most successful YouTube video since 2017. Not that it went viral or anything, but it got more than double the number of views than I have subscribers (I only have 44 subscribers, don’t worry, it’s not actually a lot), and more likes than I usually get for new videos, in the first five days it’s been online. YouTube is sharing it with people, and some strangers are watching the whole video. Heck, 10 people clicked on the video suggested from a Taylor Tomlinson video! (I’m a huge fan of hers, so that was cool to see).
As I told my therapist this afternoon, as I tried to process what’s been coming up for me, running back to Australia in an effort to protect my kids from potential repercussions of a second Trump presidency feels like I’m accepting defeat. And I am so tired of selfish people winning.
My kids still feel protected in our California bubble, despite the outcome of the election. They’d prefer we stayed. I’m not as optimistic as they are. Not any more. I’ve asked them to be open to the possibility of relocating. It feels like an uphill battle to look for work in Melbourne from California anyway – employers usually prefer to hire someone who already lives locally. Selling my home and relocating first is an option, but not one I’m in a rush to pursue. I’m still applying for work in California, too. I don’t know what the right choice is here.
My daughter is already a US citizen – she was granted it last year when we applied for a US passport for her. She was eligible to receive citizenship this way under the Child Citizenship Act, which automatically grants citizenship to the children of a US citizen (e.g. me) when they become legal permanent residents (i.e. green card holders) after being born outside of the US*. My daughter was 16 at the time, so we could do this without the help of her father.
There was less urgency to do the same for my son at the time, and their father was not interested in cooperating with me back then in order to apply for a US passport for him. That has changed now – his father provided us with the necessary consent form, sent from Australia, last month, and he had a passport interview the day after it arrived. We’re now awaiting a US passport, and therefore confirmed citizenship, for him.
I’m glad we did this before the election. With Trump’s war on immigrants, who knows if my son could’ve gotten caught up in that mess? He doesn’t seem to care if people are here legally. Heck, as a friend of mine said to me tonight, he might not even care if they’re citizens. Could I also get caught up in that mess? I may have been granted US citizenship through my parents, but I wasn’t born here either. I didn’t move here permanently until I was 30. I don’t want to think for a moment that I’m safe just because I’m white. Trump has essentially declared war on anyone who didn’t support him, after all. He doesn’t care about uniting the country.
Once all three of us have US citizenship, relocating out of the US will be less of a big deal, because it would mean we could come back again, whenever it’s safe. Both of my kids will also be old enough to vote in the next presidential election… if there is one. And as Americans, we can vote absentee even if we’re not living here – unlike Australians. I voted absentee in US elections a few times when I lived in Australia and Malaysia. I’ve never had the opportunity to vote in an Australian federal election, because the two that occurred when I was old enough to vote and still living there (2004 and 2007) happened when I was travelling outside the country and I wasn’t able to get to a consulate to vote.
Whilst I think I have good reasons to fear for the safety of my children if we stay in California, I still don’t know if fleeing back to Australia is the right thing to do. I renewed my Australian passport last year to prepare for this potential election outcome, and it’s already helped verify my right to work in Australia on that Australian job seeker website. But if my kids would prefer to stay here… would I be caring more about their needs by following their desires?
I’m just scared that if we wait too long, we might not be able to get out. I have plans in San Francisco through April right now (ironically, to see Australian singer Kylie Minogue), but what if three months into the next regime is already too late?
* If you’re a US citizen and your children are not, go ahead now and look into getting them US passports and citizenship like this.
